must... post...

So anyway, I'm still alive. I've been uber responsible about sleeping and working and whatnot, and you know what it's gotten me? I'm about to go stir crazy. I stare at the empty soulless nature of my existence and wonder why the fuck I'm doing what I'm doing. I can do better.

So tonight, I changed all that. I drove home from Mcalester, which is about two hours, and ate dinner and then rode out to sauced on the bike. (Yes, this is Oklahoma, there's only one bike and we all take turns). I knew I would be out too late to get any rest. I knew I should have probably finished processing the section I had finished shooting earlier. Screw working off the clock for no reason and screw rest.

So I went, and I sat and drank a couple of beers that I didn't really have money for, called Alex, said happy late birthday to him (note to self: 22nd), and then people showed up, Haley and Erin and other dude, I should know his name, I know him but I cant remember his name. So we go for a ride, downtown, then we go back to sauced, chill only for a brief moment, then ride with erin home. Then the lightning started.

So I booked it home in like 30 minutes, which is super fast for that trip for me. There 's this one long dark stretch of deserted road that 's either really awesome or really shitty, because it's dark and kind of lonely, but mostly that's a good thing for me right before I go home to all the comforts therein. Good for thinking.

What I thought tonight is that when I make good, responsible, sensible decisions about what to do with myself, I'm unhappy, and when I do what I want to, I'm much happier. The punchline: My time is my time. There was more to this all, but I don't want to talk about the shitty day I had or why I was pissed. Stupid creditors.