must... post...

So anyway, I'm still alive. I've been uber responsible about sleeping and working and whatnot, and you know what it's gotten me? I'm about to go stir crazy. I stare at the empty soulless nature of my existence and wonder why the fuck I'm doing what I'm doing. I can do better.

So tonight, I changed all that. I drove home from Mcalester, which is about two hours, and ate dinner and then rode out to sauced on the bike. (Yes, this is Oklahoma, there's only one bike and we all take turns). I knew I would be out too late to get any rest. I knew I should have probably finished processing the section I had finished shooting earlier. Screw working off the clock for no reason and screw rest.

So I went, and I sat and drank a couple of beers that I didn't really have money for, called Alex, said happy late birthday to him (note to self: 22nd), and then people showed up, Haley and Erin and other dude, I should know his name, I know him but I cant remember his name. So we go for a ride, downtown, then we go back to sauced, chill only for a brief moment, then ride with erin home. Then the lightning started.

So I booked it home in like 30 minutes, which is super fast for that trip for me. There 's this one long dark stretch of deserted road that 's either really awesome or really shitty, because it's dark and kind of lonely, but mostly that's a good thing for me right before I go home to all the comforts therein. Good for thinking.

What I thought tonight is that when I make good, responsible, sensible decisions about what to do with myself, I'm unhappy, and when I do what I want to, I'm much happier. The punchline: My time is my time. There was more to this all, but I don't want to talk about the shitty day I had or why I was pissed. Stupid creditors.

Rule #1: Always have your camera

So, instead of boring you with stupid vapid details of my life that nobody cares about but me, and that I in all likelihood won't care about tomorrow, I'm going to write about photography. Methods, rules and techniques. These are old school "learn to use then learn to break" rules. My 1000 word photo one lesson will be in here. The stuff I was thinking about for Methods of Photography will be here. Meanderings, maybe. How I work, definitely.

OK, rule 1: Always carry your camera. Other people should think you have codependency issues with that machine. It doesn't matter if your chosen instrument weighs one ounce or five pounds, it should always be with you. Other people will think you're crazy, and that's fine. Other people don't have to be on the que vive to do their work. They can note an idea and follow up on monday. We photographers are forever here and now.

I carry 15 lbs of camera and lenses and batteries everywhere. I carry it so much I got home from the store yesterday, went out back to grill hot dogs, and I didn't even realize I still had the bag on until I tried to sit down.

Speaking of bags, the bag you carry your shit in is also important, if you use one. It's gotta be bombproof, bulletproof, waterproof, and just a little bigger than you think. Quick access. Padding or no is up to you. I use unpadded bags because I hate the added bulk of padding and most of them are in either unfashionable or unfunctional shapes. There is more variety of good unpadded bags. Right now I use a crumpler. In the past, it's been a domke, but I saw the crumpler in REI and had to have it. It's only the third bag I've ever had that I really liked. I carry one body plus two lenses, sometimes three. No flash. Spare batteries. Pick the things you think you need, carry them around for a little while, get rid of them if you decide you don't use them enough to be worth the weight.

Because sometimes, you just need your camera, and you'll never know when that's going to be. You're going to be tired, barely able to move, eyes closing involuntarily, and there, in front of you, will be the perfect pictures unfolding. What good is seeing as a photographer sees (in pictures, of course) if you haven't a camera to put it to use?

Mamihlapinatapai

I've experienced the situation that word describes so many times it's excruciating. Not this weekend though. No future exes found, just a lot of Santa Fe love. It's a mad cool town. I'm stuck in a rut, and then I go there and I start to do stuff again. Looking for a model to play around in front of a white backdrop. We'll see. Pictures!

Alex on a trike. Why not?

Tourists.
In the woods.
At the tin star, I think this guy was some kind of big deal. Even if he wasn't he sure could play.

And this little kid was too awesome . me and Alex decided he was a combination of the two of us- loves to take stuff apart (me) and totally narcissistic (Al), loving attention. He's a monster and he's going to take over the world.

Finally, here's Alex's fingers. From the bus hitting him, his right pinky is not right.

And I just cut a picture of a sunset arbitrarily, and I'm declaring no more sun/cloud pictures for a while. Shit gets old, even if they are pretty.

Santa fe, the coda

so I went back to santa fe last weekend, saw some folks, did some santa fe things. I didn't go to whole foods. I did go into the mountains a couple times. Hit up the cowgirl, the tin star, and the catamount in a single night. stayed with alex, saw some other heads, missed Nicole somehow, I think she was herself just getting back from cali.

It's not that okc is bad, it's that other places are so much better. Pictures to follow.

on selling out

I set aside my beliefs for money. I work for people that take oil and gas out of the ground and sell it. Never mind that it's a lot of money. Never mind that extractive industries are not bad, that the particular people I work for are separated by degrees from anything I can call wrong, that the companies that are their clients are good, performing a needed service.

Let's examine what belief I'm setting aside here. Is it my deeply held belief that capitalism is evil, that corporations by their nature do bad things? I don't believe either of those things without reserve, though. Unregulated capitalism is completely unsustainable and self destructs. The last time this happened, we called it the great depression. But with good regulation, Capitalism isn't a bad system, so long as basic human needs (food, shelter, water, medicine) aren't subject to market economies. They are in a lot of places, and this seems to lead to tragedy (see for example, water strikes in south America, recent food crises worldwide, the healthcare system here in the states). So no, capitalism isn't essentially evil, but the uses it's put to make it do bad things.

Corporations, though, are pretty bad. They make lots of money, which is the problem. You can't get money without someone else losing money, resources, time, or all of the above. In general, the little guy gets screwed. In my work though, luckily for all te rights holders, there are laws binding whoever drills and extracts to pay what they owe, to clean up after themselves, and generally good corporate citizens. At least here, in the little area I'm working in, they don't really do anything bad. They perform a service, pay for what they take, and the common good is served.

Oil though, there's a big topic. I don't think we should go to war over oil. I think our burn rate (of energy total) is outrageous, that we should be able to make do with a quarter (or less) of what we use. I'm not an engineer, though. I make things sometimes, but I'm not going to come up with the replacement for fossil fuels. It will happen though. So again, it's a wash. With or without me, the days of burning hydrocarbons for energy are numbered.

So, if what I'm doing doesn't conflict with any of my beliefs, makes me money to let me do what I want to do, is that still selling out?

(edit: fixed the broken link to focus fusion society)

It's the mustache that makes it Awesome

So I'm at my uncle's house in texas right now, and we were all sitting outside and I was shooting some long exposures of people, and pat says something to the effect of "Doesn't matter how fancy your camera is, you need some light."

So, I keep shooting. I get this:



Obviously not the camera. It's the fake mustache on the front. More pics from the day:

Take me out to the ballgame

first of all, my thumb is fine. I lost a chunk of skin, that's all. This is hilarious.

Barbra Probst on her photos of the same subject, same instant, from many perspectives. Her comment about not caring about what's in the pictures so much as how they're taken is bullshit, and a good example of why you don't have to listen to what the artist says all the time. It's a cool idea, though, and the photos are really interesting, so go look.

And as for my photography, I've finally realized what I need to do. I'm at a bit of a creative dead end, not knowing what to do for a while. So, I'm gonna bust with the white seamless (see Richard Avedon) to get the juices flowing again. I even have a model in mind, if she's free next weekend. now, to the shower.

Car Maintanance Saftey

Rule #13: Never place your hand or fingers or any part of your body between any metal fittings or components. Use a tool instead. Click here to see why. (Warning: Kinda Gross).

After that, after dressing the wound, after putting in the new part, the car is still jumping into 1st gear. When it fails completely, I'm getting new wheels.